


Heart Of Stone

by Earthprincess4



Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen, Welcome to Sanditon
Genre: Angst, F/M, Oneshot, Regency Romance, Romance, Sanditon Valentine's Challenge, Sidlottte - Sanditon, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29350017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Earthprincess4/pseuds/Earthprincess4
Summary: What if Sidney and Charlotte were a little closer in age? What if they met as teenagers? What if instead of Eliza, Sidney lost Charlotte as a young man, only to find her again years later? Oneshot written for the Sanditon Valentine's Day Challenge. The Valentine's Day theme is subtle and not necessarily the main focus. Obviously, Sidlotte is the focus.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Comments: 42
Kudos: 182





	Heart Of Stone

**Author's Note:**

> When I decided to take on another challenge, I went searching for information about what Valentine’s Day looked like during the Regency Era. Unfortunately, everything I came across said there was very little known about the customs of the time. Sending mass produced cards didn’t become popular until the Victorian Era. All I could come up with was that heartfelt letters were passed to a sweetheart. I kept digging and came across a little something that I found quite interesting. I do not know the validity in this custom, but I still thought it might make an interesting theme for a story. I hope you all enjoy it.

Twenty-six-year-old Sidney Parker, devilishly handsome and most eligible bachelor in all of society, was to take part in a ridiculous Saint Valentine’s Day custom in Sanditon. He had no interest in ever marrying, yet he still remained at the top of every lady’s list of potential suitors and was forced into every social event held wherever he happened to be. His time was split between London and Sanditon most often. Occasionally, he traveled to other parts of the country and no matter where he went everyone knew exactly who he was. Mothers were constantly throwing their daughters in front of him. 

He didn’t have a huge fortune or even a title, but he had enough to provide a nice lifestyle and everyone knew of his connection to the up-and-coming sea bathing community. He could potentially be worth more than he’d know what to do with in due time.

“I do not understand why I must take part in this barbaric custom,” Sidney growled at his brother, Tom who was pushing him into this. His older brother had pretty much raised him from a small boy. Their parents had died in a terrible accident off the coast of Antigua when the ship they were aboard capsized in a horrific storm. For years, the brothers didn’t want to believe their parents were gone. They felt as if somehow their parents may have survived. There had been stories circulating that a few people had survived the accident. After years of hearing nothing, Sidney even travelled to Antigua in his early adulthood to see if he could find any clues of their survival. Unfortunately, he came home empty-handed. Although, his time in Antigua turned out to be quite enjoyable and he ended up staying much longer than he intended.

Tom married Mary young and a few years later they had their first child. Sidney was always the doting uncle for his many nieces and nephews. He didn’t plan to ever have children, so he used his nieces and nephews as surrogates for his own. Sidney liked Mary and appreciated how she mothered him occasionally. He missed that mother’s affection.

“It’s tradition, Sidney. It’ll bring people together here in Sanditon after such a long time apart for the winter. You will have a great time,” Tom assured.

Sidney rolled his eyes and slumped into a chair while Mary and Tom continued to write a list of all the eligible young ladies in the area. “Don’t forget Lady Denham’s nieces,” Mary reminded as Tom wrote their names on a slip of paper. 

Sidney took the colorful and smooth heart-shaped stone that he carried with him always out of his pocket and twirled it through his fingers. “Those two are still unmarried?” he questioned absentmindedly. Esther and Clara were hardly a catch, but he assumed someone would have married them by now in hopes of gaining access to Lady Denham’s fortune. 

“Lady Worcester has agreed to attend also. She’s bringing along her nieces,” Mary added. “What are their names again? I’m terrible with names. Have you met them yet, Tom?”

“I haven’t had the pleasure,” Tom answered. “Perhaps we can ask around. Mrs. Griffiths is sure to know the young girl’s names. She makes it her duty to know of every eligible young lady.”

Sidney rolled his eyes again and thought about Mrs. Griffiths. She made it her duty to know of every young lady, because she was the town gossip. How many times had he heard rumors being spread from her mouth? He couldn’t even count all the times. 

Sidney was entranced by the stone he held in his fingers and thought back to where it came from. He had just turned eighteen and was considered a man. He didn’t have a clue what being a man meant. Of course, he acted as if he was everything a man was supposed to be, but he truly felt uncomfortable in his own skin. That was shortly before he travelled to Antigua. When he returned as a twenty-four-year-old man, he had finally grown comfortable with who he was and who he had become. Although, his time away had made him realize just how much he enjoyed being alone. 

The stone he carried with him was a special gift that he was given at eighteen by a young girl he still thought about every day. He smiled as the memories filled his mind.

At eighteen he was travelling through England with his brother who was looking for investors to entice into financially sponsoring a sea-bathing town in Sanditon. One thing their parents had done right is invest in property. Now Tom owned a very large portion of land in Sanditon. He had been building this sea-bathing community for years. Every year he had new plans for a grand building project. Sometimes Sidney wished he would put it to rest and focus on something else. Sanditon had become fairly successful, and they were beginning to see the benefits of that success. But it was never enough for Tom. He had always and would always want more. How Mary put up with it, he would never understand.

During their travels, Sidney typically stayed out of the way while Tom built up how grand and exciting Sanditon would be. On one particular stop, on an excruciatingly hot summer day, Sidney had grown tired of waiting around and ventured off into the trees along the outskirts of town. He came upon a river surrounded by trees with a decent sized pool of calm water. He looked around to ensure he was alone, before he stripped down and jumped into the cool water. He swam into the center of the water and when he came up for air, he sighed in pleasure. The refreshing water was exactly what he needed on that hot day. 

He closed his eyes and floated on his back while the sun shined down on him. After a few moments of solitude, he heard a small shriek and then a large splash in the water near him. Sidney was startled and instantly looked around to see what it was. A small girl popped her head up out of the water and gasped for air. 

“What in the devil?” Sidney shouted.

“I… I’m so sorry,” her timid voice spoke. She turned away from him and began to swim back towards the shore. 

“Wait!” Sidney shouted. He began to swim after her and follow her to the shore. He had forgotten he was naked and walked out of the water as if nothing was afoot. “Will you wait a moment?” He reached for her arm and spun her around. Her eyes grew wide, and she instantly turned around again. Sidney looked down and realized he was still unclothed. He grabbed his clothes off the nearby rocks and started to put them on hastily. He watched the girl who didn’t move or turn around to look at him while he finished dressing. Although, from where she fell in the water, Sidney had only one explanation. This girl was in the tree above him most likely spying on him. For some reason a small grin came to his mouth when he thought about it. 

“Forgive the intrusion. I wasn’t aware anyone was here,” the girl spoke timidly. 

“What were you doing spying on me?” Sidney asked her. 

She turned around with an anger in her eyes at his assumption. “I wasn’t spying on you. I was here first,” she clarified defensively.

“Yet you didn’t make your presence known. How long did you plan to watch me swim?” he smirked as a fiery anger filled this girl. She looked to be about fifteen or sixteen. Clearly, she was being prepped for womanhood as her hemline had been dropped and she wore a corset that could be seen through her wet fabric. Her thick, dark hair was matted from being wet and her face appeared flushed from the accusations Sidney was implying.

“I was not watching you swim. I simply looked down and saw you in the water. I was startled and lost my balance,” she spat angrily while glaring at him.

Sidney couldn’t help but chuckle at how she tried to appear annoyed with him.

“Perhaps you’re right,” Sidney said with a smirk. “Forgive the accusation.”

She sighed and brushed her hands across the front of her dress. “No harm done.”

“What’s your name?” Sidney asked with intrigue.

“Why do you wish to know my name?” she asked.

“Curiosity is all,” he replied.

She scrutinized him for a moment before answering. “Charlotte.”

Sidney wondered why she gave him her first name rather than her proper name. It was unheard of for a young lady to give a man her Christian name. Perhaps they may present themselves with a name followed by their family name, but never simply their given name. Although she may be prepping to be a young lady, she was clearly a country girl with very little understanding of the world. 

“Well, Miss Charlotte. Why exactly were you up in the tree?” 

“Reading,” she answered. “And thanks to you, I have now lost my book at the bottom of the river.”

“Reading?” he questioned with shock in his tone. “Aren’t young ladies encouraged not to read?”

“I’m not all young ladies,” she said angrily before turning on her heel and walking away. For the first time, Sidney noticed she was barefooted, and the back of her dress was slightly undone as if she was trying to loosen the tight constraints.

“Wait!” Sidney said, following after her. 

She spun around and stared up at him again. Sidney couldn’t help but notice the hurt expression on her face. “Well?” she asked with an irritated tone.

“What book were you reading?” he asked. He felt ridiculous for asking something so trivial. However, he couldn’t help but want to know more about this girl. 

“The Italian, by Ann Radcliffe,” she answered.

“Is it a good book?” he asked.

“One of my favorites.” Charlotte walked barefooted towards the tree she was in and easily hoisted herself up into the branches. Sidney watched in awe as she climbed the tree. He’d never known of a girl to climb a tree, let alone climb with such ease. She walked along a large branch and gathered her shoes and stockings before making her way back down and jumping to the ground. She sat down and started putting her stockings and shoes back on. 

“You are extraordinary,” he said without realizing the words left his mouth.

“For climbing a tree?” she questioned as if she didn’t understand what he meant.

“For everything,” he admitted.

Charlotte stared at him for a long moment trying to make sense of what he was saying. “How strange,” she said. She knew she was not the typical lady and did things no lady would ever be caught dead doing. Yet, it seemed odd to her that someone would look at her and consider her extraordinary for the things she was not supposed to do as a lady. Her mother would kill her if she knew she did the things she did in private. 

Perhaps I can find the book for you,” he said, making his way back towards the water. He kept his shirt and pants on this time and made his way into the pool of water. 

“You don’t have to trouble yourself on my behalf,” Charlotte shouted towards him. 

“It’s no trouble at all,” he assured, making his way out into the deeper area of the water. When he was out in the area where she had fallen in, Sidney dived deep down and attempted to search for the lost book. He stayed under water far longer than he probably should, before making his way back to the surface. 

Charlotte grew concerned for him the longer he was under the water and began to make her way out to where he was. When he popped out of the water, she gasped loudly enough for him to hear. “I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to surface,” she said breathlessly.

“I’m a strong swimmer,” he assured.

She nodded her head and made her way back to the shoreline. She sat down in the grassy side and watched as he dived down a few more times to search for her book. “You truly do not have to continue,” she yelled out as he surfaced once again. “I have plenty of other books at home.”

Sidney ignored her and dove down again but came back emptyhanded. He had resigned himself to failure. He made his way out of the water and exhaustedly collapsed in the tall grass next to the girl. “I’m afraid it’s lost for good. I do apologize I wasn’t able to save it.”

“It’s quite alright,” she said. “I’m sure in time I can acquire a new copy.

“What’s so special about this Italian?” he asked as he watched her.

“It’s written by a woman,” she said matter-of-factly. “She is quite extraordinary if you ask me. It’s unheard of for a woman to publish a book. How she must have gone about making her dream a reality is remarkable.”

“Is that your dream? Do you wish to write a book, and have it published?” he asked.

“If I were so lucky.” She laughed and shook her head. “I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

“I’m sure if you worked hard enough you could make it a reality,” he encouraged.

She shrugged and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. “Perhaps someday,” she said looking dreamily out into the distance. 

A silence fell around them as Sidney watched her with curiosity. “Well,” he began, sitting up and taking a deep breath. “We can’t go back into town soaking wet. Rumors would spread like wildfire. Perhaps we can sit here and dry off in the sun before making our way back?”

Charlotte didn’t respond to his suggestion but made no attempt to leave either. “I suppose if I am to stay here, it would be nice to know your name.”

Sidney laughed and ducked his head in shame. He hadn’t even realized he never gave her his name. “Sidney Parker.”

“I’m very pleased to meet you, Mr. Parker,” she said formally.

For the rest of the day the two spoke of their families, their likes and dislikes, and even of their hopes and dreams for the future. Sidney felt a true kinship with the mysterious girl who only gave him her first name. He enjoyed spending time with her and having someone other than his brother to talk to. He was quite the outlier most of the time, but with her he felt a comfort. He asked her to share more about the story she was so fond of and he found the way she spoke of the story intriguing. She even recited a short story of her own creation. He was captivated by every word she said. She spoke with such conviction, such eloquence. He was enthralled with how animated she was. Sidney was entirely enchanted by the young lady he had just met. 

Neither of them realized how late it had gotten until they watched the sunset and saw the sky was darkening above them. They walked together towards town and went their separate ways before anyone could see them. 

Sidney made his way into town and went straight to a local bookstore to search for the book Charlotte had lost. She spoke of it throughout the day with such fondness. He was fascinated enough to want to read it and see what she found so appealing. He found a copy and purchased it before making his way back to the hotel he and his brother were staying. 

Even though Tom protested about the candlelight keeping him awake, Sidney read the entire book throughout the night. He was able to get a few hours of sleep before waking. Tom had already gone for the day and left Sidney a note explaining where he would be. Sidney had little interest in where his brother would be. Instead, he made his way back to the bookstore and purchased a book with blank pages and a few quills. After that purchase, he made his way to the bakery and bought two sweet buns. He made his way back to the river where he had met Charlotte and hoped he would find her again. 

To his delight, he spotted her perched in the tree above the water reading another book. She noticed him approach and grinned. “I didn’t expect to see you again,” she called out. 

Sidney looked at the tree and decided to make an attempt to climb up. He left the package of books and quills on the ground and only carried the package with the sweet buns with him. Charlotte watched him make his way out onto the branch that she sat on above the water. 

“I was hoping I might find you here again,” he said, while sitting down next to her and dangling his feet over the branch. “I brought you a freshly baked sweet bun.” He unwrapped the buns and handed her one. She smiled in delight and took the treat from him.

“That’s very kind of you,” she said, taking small nibbles from the bread. 

“Do you come here daily?” he asked.

She lowered her head and shyly smiled. “This is sort of my sanctuary. Like I said yesterday, I have eleven siblings. Sometimes the noise is too much to take and I need a respite from them. If my mother knew I climbed trees and read books all day she’d probably have my head.”

Sidney laughed at the thought. “Mothers tend to be overbearing, I suppose.”

“Especially mothers who want their daughters to marry and marry well,” she grumbled.

“Isn’t that what all young ladies want?” Sidney asked.

“Not all of them,” she answered with a sadness to her voice. “I have no desire to marry. I do not need to learn how to play piano or embroider. I don’t wish to dance or go to balls where I’m shopped by men looking for a prize. I don’t want to be ruled by a husband. I want to rule myself. I want to make my own way in society and find out what I’m capable of without a man.”

“I think you might be capable of quite a lot. Knowing you the short time I have, I can see how much potential you hold. If you were to ever marry, I’d hope your future husband would want to encourage your many talents.”

“I suppose time will tell, but it’s highly unlikely that will be true. My position as a wife would merely be to have his children and keep his house,” she said sadly.

“It doesn’t have to be. Don’t marry until you succeed yourself and only marry when you find someone who wants to inspire you to be more than simply a mother and wife,” he encouraged.

She smiled as if it were within reach. “Perhaps I will.”

Sidney hesitated for a moment before telling her his secret. “I told you yesterday I was here with my brother while he searches for investors to create a sea-bathing community. He wishes me to take part in his dream and build the community with him. I have no desire to be a part of his dream. I have plans of my own.”

“What sort of plans?” she asked.

“I’m leaving for Antigua in a week’s time. I bought my ticket for the ship. My brother has no idea, and I have no plans to tell him. He will only try to talk me out of it. But I must go.”

“What is so important about Antigua?”

Sidney’s expression grew somber as he considered whether or not to tell her the truth. He didn’t divulge the information about his parents the day before. “My parents liked to travel to far off places and discover new cultures. They were travelling to Antigua when there was a terrible accident. The ship they were aboard capsized. Most of the passengers and crew lost their lives.”

“I’m so sorry,” she said sympathetically. “I cannot imagine the hurt you must carry with you.”

“There were stories circulating that some passengers survived. I refuse to believe my parents are dead. They must have made it to shore somehow. I plan to go there and search for them.”

“I think that’s a very honorable thing to do.”

Sidney shook his head and let out a small chuckle. “My brother thinks I’m naïve for holding on to the possibility that they survived. He thinks I need to let them go.”

“I believe whether or not they did survive, it’s important to explore every possibility to at least bring you peace of mind, before you give in entirely,” Charlotte offered. “I know if I were in your position, I wouldn’t give up searching until I knew for certain.”

Sidney welcomed her encouragement. “To be honest, I am terrified to go.”

“Whatever for?” she questioned. 

He raised an eyebrow and looked at her. “My parents were lost at sea after a ship capsized. What if it were to happen again while I was on board? What if I get there, and I discover they truly are gone? What if my brother fails at his endeavors for Sanditon, and he loses everything? What if I’m not here to help him?”

“You can’t go through life fearing the what ifs. You have to live life to the fullest, seeking out every adventure that comes your way. Otherwise, what is the purpose of life?”

“I suppose I need to take a chance,” he said.

“I think you need adventure and to seek out what you’re missing in life,” she theorized.

Sidney laughed and nodded his head in agreement. “You also need to seek out those adventures and strive to be something more. You have far too much potential to restrain yourself to a life’s purpose of merely a wife and mother. I fear you’d lose your passion if that was all you amounted to.” 

“I’m sure my mother would disagree with you,” Charlotte said. “Her life purpose was to have children. The many children she had were what filled her life with joy. I cannot see that as my future. I suppose a life’s journey is different for everyone.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Sidney agreed. “My brother, for instance, his life’s purpose is to create Sanditon into something spectacular. Whereas my life’s purpose is yet to be determined. However, I do know it has nothing to do with building a sea-bathing community.”

Charlotte threw her hands up in the air and grinned. “We are both outliers looking for something different than what society restrains us to,” she announced. “Neither of us will ever fit into the box we’ve been told we must fit into.”

Sidney nodded his head in agreement. “I’ve always sort of considered myself an outlier, even as a young boy. It’s interesting that you picked up on it,” he said, looking at Charlotte with an intensity he had never felt before. She stared back at him with the same intensity and passion. It was as if they were speaking to each other through their eyes and only the two of them understood the language.

Charlotte turned away first. “Why go sea-bathing when you can swim just as easily in the river?” she said, breaking the tense moment. Charlotte fanned herself with her hand and wiped the beads of sweat off her forehead. “We should go for a swim.” Before Sidney even knew what was happening, Charlotte disappeared off the branch and fell feet first into the water below them. All that remained on the branch was her book. Sidney followed, slipping off the branch and into the water. The cool water was refreshing and welcome on the hot day. The two of them splashed around and enjoyed the freeing feeling the water provided. 

Back on the shore, they both collapsed in the tall grass after a long time in the water. The warm sun was a welcome comfort on their now cold bodies. Sidney turned towards Charlotte and admired how the sun hit her face in such a way that it appeared as if she was glowing. The beads of water dripping across her cheeks sparkled. Her eyes remained closed as she smiled and enjoyed the sunlight. He didn’t quite know what had overcome him. He slightly leaned up on his side and placed his hand on her cheek, turning her towards him. Her eyes opened and a look of confusion spread across her face. He slowly leaned towards her, watching for any sign on hesitation and was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t. He gently brushed his lips across hers for a mere second. He had never kissed a girl before and wasn’t entirely sure he knew what he was doing. All he knew is he had an urge to touch her.

They both took a deep breath and sat up. A nervousness filled them. In an instant their friendship had turned to something more, something that neither of them expected or knew how to navigate. “I have something for you,” Sidney said, standing to his feet and walking back over to the tree where he had left his belongings. Charlotte watched him curiously as he made his way back to her and sat down on the ground. He handed her a wooden box with small, engraved leaves around the sides. Her fingers drew across the pattern as she looked at the box in her lap. She wasn’t sure how to respond to such a gift. She lifted the lid and inside was a new copy of the book she lost.

“The Italian,” she giggled, as she took the book out of the box and flipped through the pages. 

“I read it last night,” Sidney admitted. 

“Did you?” Charlotte asked with delight.

“I can see why you are so enthralled by the story. I couldn’t put it down,” he admitted. “I also included a journal and some fresh quills and ink. Someday I expect to read a story written by you and be just as captivated.”

“I hardly know what to say. This is probably the greatest gift anyone has ever given me,” she said with a sadness to her tone. “I feel as though I need to repay you for your kindness.”

“It’s not necessary,” he assured. “I only wish to read something you write someday. Perhaps you can dedicate your first book to me.”

“Perhaps I will,” she said. She continued to look over the book and run her fingers across the cover. “I have an idea.” Charlotte moved the box to the ground and stood up quickly. She reached for Sidney’s hand and asked him to come with her. He wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing, but he took her hand and followed her. She ran along the bank of the river until they came to a shallower area. Sidney reveled with the feel of her hand in his and felt a loss when she let go and walked a short distance along the rocky shore. She stared at the ground as if searching for something.

"What are you doing?" Sidney asked. 

She leaned down to pick something up before walking back towards him. She had a grin on her face and reached out for his hand once more. Turning his palm up, she placed a heart-shaped stone in his hand. 

Sidney looked down at the reddish-brown rock with swirls of white and cream. “Sailors have been known to carry agate stones on their voyages to give them courage and bring them luck. Perhaps this will bring you the same luck on your voyage across the sea.”

He stared at the stone and was blown away by how such a simple gift brought him so much comfort. “How do you know that about sailors?” he asked.

She shrugged her shoulders and pursed her lips. “I read a lot,” she answered simply.

He chuckled and rolled the agate around in his hand. “Thank you, Charlotte. This is truly an amazing gift.”

Overwhelmed with emotions, Sidney slipped his fingers through her matted hair and brought her to him for another kiss. This time wasn’t a simple brush of lips. This time, he put more effort into what he desired. He parted his lips and sucked her bottom lip between his. He brushed his tongue across her mouth as he deepened the kiss. He repeated the motion with her upper lip and found she was copying the technique with him. A flutter of emotion overwhelmed him and suddenly her damp body was pressed against him while he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly. He continued to move his lips against hers and grow more confident in what he was doing. He would have continued kissing her the rest of the day given the opportunity. Unfortunately, they were disrupted by a someone calling her name. She pulled away from him and had a look of fear come across her face. 

“I have to go,” she breathed with panic.

“What?” Sidney said. She ran away from him and headed back up through the grass to where they had been sitting earlier. “Charlotte, wait!”

“I’m sorry. It’s my sister. I have to go before she sees you,” she said, gathering up her things and fleeing through the grass.

It was the last time Sidney saw her. He remained in the small town for a day more and Sidney spent the entire day sitting in the tree waiting for her to return, but she never did. A week later he boarded the ship headed for Antigua. He left a note for his brother simply stating he needed to know the truth. Sidney remained in Antigua for six years and ultimately discovered the truth he had been seeking. His parents had not survived and were not coming back. The truth devastated him and changed his outlook on life. He came back a changed man; more cynical and distant than before. He wished to be left alone and spend his life without responsibilities. 

There wasn’t a day that went by Sidney didn’t think of Charlotte and the short time they spent together. He truly saw her as his first love and his only love. He had not cared for another the way he did her. He carried that small heart-shaped stone she gifted him for luck and courage every day. Flashes of her face filled his thoughts when he held it in his hand and weaved it through his fingers. When he returned to England, he found himself searching the papers and even bookstores wherever he was to see if he might find something published by her. Unfortunately, he had yet to find anything.

“You have invited a few gentlemen to attend, correct?” Tom asked, breaking Sidney from his trance of the past.

“A few, yes.”

“We will have the grandest event in all of England,” Tom said proudly.

“Just think, we very well may be taking part in a great deal of couples finding happiness,” Mary gushed, taking Tom’s hands. “It is such a wonderful thing to think about.”

“Yes, it is, dear. It truly is,” Tom agreed. 

Sidney couldn’t help but roll his eyes and get up to leave the room. He tucked the stone back in his pocket and headed out of the house. He found himself wandering the beach until he came to the cove. He sat down on a rock and closed his eyes as flashes of Charlotte filled his thoughts. Sometimes he was certain he could still feel her lips against his when he concentrated long enough. He assumed that she must have married in those six years he was gone. He didn’t bother seeking her out only to complicate things. She was probably in a life her parents wished for her, rather than the life she wished for herself. 

A week later, Sidney stood amongst a group of men all eagerly waiting to draw a name from a hat. He stood in the back sipping on a drink. His friends, Babington and Crowe hung back with him, but even they were far more eager than Sidney. Men began to line up to draw a name from Tom’s hat of eligible ladies. Edward Denham, well-known rake of a man stepped forward and drew a name. He chuckled with a devious look on his face. “What a lucky coincidence. Clara Brereton,” he said. It was also well-known Edward had an unhealthy attachment to Miss Clara Brereton. She was a niece of Lady Denham while he was the nephew of Lady Denham. However, no relation between the two, other than through marriage. Poor Clara felt no returned feelings for Edward and would surely be upset when she discovered he pulled her name. 

A few other men drew names before Tom made his way towards Sidney and his friends. Babington drew a name first and came up with Esther Denham. Crowe went next. Sidney hesitated and clenched his jaw at the frustration he felt towards his brother for forcing him into the custom. “Come, Sidney,” Tom encouraged, shaking the hat in front of him. “You must draw a name.” Sidney moaned in anger and pulled out a slip of paper. 

“Who did you get?” Crowe asked. 

Sidney unrolled the piece of paper and read the name of Miss C. Heywood. “I don’t believe I know a Miss Heywood.”

“It looks as if we have sisters,” Crowe pointed out, holding up his slip of paper. “I pulled a Miss A. Heywood.”

Sidney gulped down the rest of his drink and stuck the small piece of paper in his pocket. 

“Attention, gentlemen!” Tom called out gathering everyone’s attention. “First off, we must thank Lady Denham for the use of her magnificent drawing room for this splendid event.” The men clapped their hands in thanks to the widowed grand lady of the town. She curtsied and glanced around the room at all the men waiting and hoping to find love. “The young ladies will be down in a moment. This is how the event will work. Each of you have drawn the name of a lady. You will have a short time to get to know the young lady whom we have put up to fate to match you with. Come Saint Valentine’s Day, if you have a fondness for the lady you’ve chosen at random, you should write her a heartfelt letter expressing your wish to know her more. If she feels the same in return, she will arrive at the ball and give you the first dance expressing her wish to correspond further, thus beginning a courtship. I trust all of you will be perfect gentlemen and not do anything untoward.” 

Whispers and chuckles filled the room as some of the men were still immature in nature. Sidney didn’t see this event going unscathed from scandal. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms while he waited. A group of ladies appeared at the top of the stairs. All of them giggly with excitement dressed in their finest dresses and gloves. Their hair done up in extravagant hairdos. Mothers just as done up stood behind them trying to encourage them to the front. Once more, Sidney wondered why he let his brother talk him into this ridiculous event. 

Mary stood near Tom and whispered in his ear to announce each young lady who descended the stairs. As each lady was announced, a gentleman would step forward and offer a bow before they would walk a distance away and begin a conversation. Mothers stood protectively next to their daughters intruding on the conversation instead of letting their daughters do the speaking. Sidney found it all rather disturbing. 

Crowe and Sidney waited for these sisters to appear. When Sidney finally heard his brother say the name of Miss Charlotte Heywood, his head snapped up and suddenly it was as if a ton of bricks hit him, causing him to lose his breath. Charlotte, the girl who had been the object of his every desire, descended the stairs as if she was floating on a cloud. She was older now, but still had that gorgeous dark hair that hung freely across her shoulders instead of up like all the other ladies, naturally declaring her individuality. Her cheeks were still flushed pink from spending time outside, he assumed. Her eyes still bold and full of wonder. Most importantly, she still had that pull on his heart. She was the only person in the world who held that type of power over him. 

He wondered if she would remember him after all these years. He made his way through the crowd as if the two of them were the only people in the room. All others had disintegrated into the shadows. He stood in front of her and couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She made no acknowledgement to remembering him in any way. He decided in that moment, he would not remind her of their past. He wasn’t sure why, but something told him if he reminded her, she may not wish to see him anymore. He wanted to see if he could win her over as an older man and more worldly.

“Miss Heywood allow me the pleasure to introduce you to my brother, Sidney Parker,” Tom announced loudly. 

Sidney bowed towards her, but kept his eyes fixated on hers. “Miss Heywood,” he greeted, his voice shaky and deep. He felt as if his entire body was on fire. A feeling he hadn’t experienced before. He spent most of his life feeling as if he was as cold as ice. That was what he wanted others to see him as. It was a protective shield he had built up around him to keep people out. With her in his presence, everything began to thaw. She was the only one who could ever break that shield he built.

She curtsied in return. “Mr. Parker,” she said shyly. Sidney led her across the room and noticed she didn’t have a mother or chaperone following close behind like all the other ladies did. Even her sister, who had been paired with Crowe had a chaperone in Lady Worcester. He remembered his brother and Mary talking about Lady Worcester having a couple nieces attending. 

“I’m surprised you don’t have a chaperone like everyone else,” he said.

“What do I need a chaperone for?” she questioned. “I’m sure I can make my own decisions without the input of an overindulgent family member.”

Sidney almost laughed out loud while she spoke with such passion and spunk. She was still very much the girl he met all those years ago. “I agree with your opinion. How is someone to truly get to know the other with a meddlesome mother in tow?” 

She seemed to like that he agreed with her. “My aunt is busy tending to my sister. Our mother is far too busy with our younger siblings to attend such events. I am merely here to keep an eye on my sister now that she is of age. It’s Alison who wishes to marry.”

“You have no desire to marry? Aren’t you afraid of being considered a spinster?” he asked, chastising himself as soon as the words left his mouth.

She gave him a slight glare before answering his question. “I do not care what anyone thinks of me. Their opinions hold little value. I am resigned to spending my life fulfilling my own desires, not those of a husband.”

With every word she spoke, he found himself remembering all those things she spoke about long ago were still very much who she was today. She had not changed who she was to fit the societal constraints like so many young girls were forced to do. “What are your desires then?” he asked, already knowing what her answer would be. 

“I wish to travel, to create, to do all the things I’m told are not appropriate for a young lady to do. I want to show the world that I’m just as capable of doing all the things a man can do.”

“As Ann Radcliffe depicted in The Italian?” he asked with a smirk. He was sure she would understand the reference, and for a slight moment he thought she had by the way she looked at him. 

“I suppose so,” she agreed. 

“Where do you wish to travel?” he asked.

She took a deep breath and glanced over at her sister. Sidney followed her line of sight and noticed how Crowe and Alison seemed to be enjoying their time together. Lady Worcester watched on with a pleased expression. “Anywhere, to be honest. I’d love to visit the Americas, Africa, even the West Indies. I’d be happy simply to travel across England, if nothing else. I have made secret plans to travel to Antigua when the seasons change.”

“What do you intend to find in Antigua?” he asked.

“Adventure,” she responded.

“I’ve been there. To Antigua,” Sidney admitted, hoping the mention would jog her memory. 

“Did you find what you were looking for?” she asked.

With that small question, he was certain she knew who he was. She had to know. “I did. Although, it wasn’t what I had hoped to find.” 

She gave him a saddened expression further convincing him she knew what his reference was. “And what is your opinion of the place?”

Sidney grinned. “I thought you said other’s opinions held little interest for you?”

For the first time, she gave him a smile. That same brilliant smile she had when they were younger. It took everything in him not to kiss those lips he had dreamt about and felt against his over all the years they had been parted. “I suppose I’ll have to form my own opinion of the place.”

“And you wish to do all this traveling alone?” Sidney asked.

“I don’t have any desire for a companion if that’s what you are asking,” she clarified.

Sidney turned to another subject. “You mentioned creating as well. What is it you wish to create? Or better yet, what have you created?”

She looked at him with a sadness for a moment. He wasn’t entirely sure why. “Enough about me, Mr. Parker. What about you? What has been your journey in life?”

“I’m nothing special. I’m merely a man who prefers to be alone. I suppose an outlier in a sense,” he answered. He wondered if the mention of being an outlier would strike a memory in her.

“And that’s what you wish to be? An Outlier?” she asked.

“Isn’t it what you wish to be?” he asked in return.

They stared at each other for a long moment, neither one of them answering the question. Once again it was as if their eyes were speaking a secret language only the two of them understood. Their eyes burning into the other with pure desire and want. Even all that time apart, Sidney wanted her to be his and he felt she wanted the same. 

“Alright, ladies and gentlemen, the time for conversation is now coming to an end. We hope all of you had a successful exchange and all will attend the ball in two day’s time,” Tom announced. 

Charlotte quickly curtsied towards Mr. Parker and joined her sister and aunt. Sidney barely had enough time to bow in return before she was gone, lost in the sea of women trying to make their way back up the stairs. 

Crowe and Babington joined Sidney and chuckled at the notion of falling in love after a such a short conversation. “Now we are expected to write a heartfelt letter to these ladies we barely know? I’m not exactly sure how that’s possible,” Crowe complained.

“Use your imagination,” Babington said with a chuckle. 

“My imagination would have me wandering to the bedroom and removing certain articles of clothing,” Crowe admitted proudly. “I’m not sure that would win the young girl over.”

Sidney heard their banter, but he paid little attention to either of them. His eyes remained on Charlotte as she walked the steps with the other ladies. She glanced back at him one last time before she disappeared down the hall.

“How was your conversation, Sidney?” Babington asked. “I assume a man with no interest in marrying, like you, probably found the young girl you were paired with rather dull.”

“Excuse me,” Sidney said, ignoring the question and walking past both of them. Instead of sticking around with Tom and Mary to take the carriage back into town, he took a walk along the shore again. He held that rock she had given him in his hand and rubbed his thumb across it with a rhythmic and obsessive pattern. He felt as if he couldn’t breathe. His lungs were heavy as he paced back and forth along the sand. He stayed there most of the day, questioning and wondering if she remembered him. If he should remind her of who he is. If he should even pursue her. He had no intention of ever marrying because no woman had ever compared to her. She was the only one who held his heart. She was the only one he could ever give himself to. Yet, she had no desire to do the same for him. Would it even make a difference if he told her who he was?

By nightfall, he returned to his brother’s house and had a restless night of sleep. He debated with himself all through the night still. By morning, he had decided to let her go. If a life of adventure without a husband was what she truly wished for, he loved her enough to let her have it. Perhaps later on in life, after she fulfilled her life’s journey, they would find each other again. 

“Sidney,” Mary greeted as he came down the stairs and sat down to eat something. “This was delivered for you early this morning.” She handed him the journal he had given Charlotte all those years ago. The cover was worn down as if it had been well-used. He opened the book and was overwhelmed with emotion to see her written words on the pages. His fingers traced over her letters with admiration. On the first page, a title was given. The Outlier written by Charlotte Heywood. Dedicated to my outlier, Sidney. He sighed as his heart filled with even more love for her. She had done exactly what she had always intended to do. She wrote her book and was going to change the world. 

“Is this an important book?” Tom asked, breaking Sidney from his trance.

“Quite possibly the most important book of my life,” Sidney answered, not elaborating further about what he meant. 

Sidney sat in his room most of the day reading Charlotte’s story; a story of mystery, heartache, adventure, romance, and intrigue. She had created a story that made Sidney laugh, cry, want to scream, and fall in love with the characters. These characters clearly based off him and her, depicting her as the hero saving the outlier. He couldn’t put it down. As soon as he was done reading it, he wanted more. More than anything, he knew what he needed to do.

He pulled out a piece of paper and wrote Charlotte that heartfelt letter. 

Charlotte wasn’t quite sure why she asked for her story to be delivered to Sidney. The entire story revolved around him and what she imagined his adventures might be. He did request to read her first book, and she had every intention of fulfilling that request. She wasn’t quite sure what the outcome would be once he read it.

She knew exactly who Sidney was, the moment she stood at the steps of the stairs and looked down upon the room. Her eyes fixated on him almost instantly. She had thought about him every day since their parting. He was always in her dreams and now a part of her book. She loved him like no other. Yet, for Charlotte, the thought of giving herself to a man was terrifying. She knew once she did, her path would forever be planned for her. It’s why after they kissed, she ran and didn’t return the next day. Now, to see him again brought back all those same fears. She was sure to lose herself if she were to marry him. Yet, it didn’t stop the yearning for him. Being close to him again was everything she dreamed it would be. Smelling the spicy and musky scent she sometimes still caught whiffs of, filled her senses with full force. She could feel the warmth of his body radiating off of him. How much she wished to be wrapped in those arms again and feel his lips pressed against hers. 

A servant walked into the room where Charlotte sat with her sister and their aunt. Alison stood with excitement when she noticed a letter in the servant’s hand. It was Saint Valentine’s Day and letters were intended to be delivered. “A letter for Miss Charlotte Heywood.” Alison sat back down looking sad that she hadn’t received a letter yet. Charlotte’s stomach was in knots. She knew Sidney had recognized her just as she did him. Yet, he didn’t mention their familiarity other than with subtle hints. She wondered if he had received, or even read the book she gave him. She wondered what he thought of it. She wondered if he wanted her to attend the ball, and if she’d have the strength to tell him she didn’t wish to pursue a courtship.

Hesitantly, Charlotte took the letter and placed it in her lap. “I’ll read it later.”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” Alison shouted grabbing the letter and ripping it open. 

“Alison, give it back!” Charlotte shouted, trying to reach around her to grab it. Alison pushed Charlotte away and held the letter just out of reach while she read it. She only got through the first couple of lines before Alison turned around and stared at Charlotte in shock.

“You know him?” Alison asked. Charlotte was successfully able to get the letter back and fold it up nicely for safe keeping. “You gave him your book even?”

“The book is about him,” Charlotte spat angrily. She had never spoken to anyone of her acquaintance and had only written about him in her book as a way to keep his memory alive. 

“I’m confused,” Alison said, sitting back down on a chair and staring curiously at Charlotte.

“I believe we are all befuddled,” Susan said, as she too looked at Charlotte with interest in the rest of the story.

Charlotte stared at the floor and furrowed her eyebrow. She couldn’t possibly get out of telling them now. “It was a chance meeting. I’ve never spoken to anyone about him. We met by the river where I liked to go to read when I was younger. We spent some time together talking and getting to know each other. He’s the one who gave me the journal to pursue writing a story. He wanted me to dedicate my first book to him, but instead I ended up writing a story about him.” Tears welled in Charlotte’s eyes as she thought back to those days she spent with him. If he had mentioned the book in the letter, he must have read it.

“And now he’s come back into your life,” Susan said. “Perhaps the universe is trying to tell you something.”

“There’s no reason why you can’t have happiness too, Charlotte,” Alison said. 

“A man isn’t what is going to make me happy,” Charlotte spat.

“Perhaps not. But I do believe if any man in world is going to make you happy, it’s this one,” Alison continued. “I see the effect he has on you. And the fact that you let him read what you wrote when you won’t even let me, your closest sister, is definitely say something about the respect and affection you hold for him.”

“I do tend to agree with your sister,” Susan chimed in. “You have fallen in love with Mr. Sidney Parker. You did years ago and were too afraid to accept it. Now fate is giving you a second chance. You won’t be given a third. Don’t let this opportunity pass without truly seeking if he is what will bring you joy. Despite your resistance to marriage, there is a lot to be said about a happy marriage between equals who truly want to uplift each other. Perhaps this Sidney Parker is that for you.”

Charlotte blinked her tears away and stared at the letter in her lap. Her fingers traced her name on the front. “I want to read it in private,” she said standing to her feet and retreating to her room. She sat on the edge of the bed and slowly opened the paper.

My dearest Charlotte,

Thank you for allowing me to read your book. I imagine it wasn’t easy to let something so precious be reviewed by someone else. I devoured the story like no other. It was the most exquisite story I’ve ever read, and not only because it was about me. You have a way with words, a way with storytelling, and a way to grab a man’s heart and not let go.

I have loved you from the moment I met you. Everything about you captivated me. No other person holds a power over me like you do. There hasn’t been a day that has gone by, I haven’t thought about you or wished to find you again. I have yet to discover how to let you go and, quite frankly, I don’t want to. 

You do not understand the impact you had on me all those years ago. I was ready to change my mind about going to Antigua. I was afraid to know the truth, but your encouragement made me go forth with my plans. You helped me to discover the truth of who I am and who I want to be through my quest for answers. Without you, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. 

Despite our shared aversion towards marriage, you are the only one I will ever allow into my heart and allow myself to marry. I do not wish to control you or restrain you in any way. On the contrary, I wish to encourage and support you in everything you do. I wish to help you become who you want to be. Or merely stand by you while you discover who you want to be on your own. I do not wish to court you. We have already done that, even though brief. My feelings for you are just as strong today as they were then. I wish to marry you, Charlotte. I wish to spend my life beside you. I wish to make a life with you wherever that may be. I wish to follow you in all of your endeavors. I wish to have a family with you, if you desire to bear my children. 

Please tell me you feel the same. Meeting again after all these years cannot be for nothing. I do not wish to lose you again. Save me, as you did in your book, from a life of misery without you. 

Be my Valentine and accept my offer of marriage.

Your outlier always, 

Sidney Parker

Charlotte’s tears flowed freely and dropped on the paper she held in front of her. She took a deep breath and read the letter again. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to accept his proposal. But that fear she had always felt prevented her from knowing what was right. 

Throughout the day, Charlotte thought about his letter while they readied for the ball. Alison had finally received her letter. Although the letter was not very romantic or a lot to it, Alison was happy and looking forward to her dance with Mr. Crowe. 

Charlotte and Alison walked into the ball arm in arm with their aunt trailing behind them. Charlotte spotted Sidney across the room talking to a group of women. When he noticed her, he excused himself while the women watched on with confused expressions. They clearly didn’t like that Sidney was walking away from them to acknowledge another. Crowe and Sidney arrived at nearly the same time in front of the sisters, bowing their heads in greeting. Sidney offered his arm to Charlotte while Crowe did the same to Alison. A glance between sisters happened before they were escorted in opposite directions. 

Tom announced the start of the ball and that all couples who wished to have the first dance should take the dance floor. Sidney led Charlotte out to the middle and bowed before offering her his hand. Charlotte curtsied and slipped her hand into his. He pulled her flush against him, holding her a little closer than what was deemed appropriate. 

Neither of them said anything at first. It was Sidney who finally broke the silence. “I have sent a letter to someone I know in London who may be interested in publishing your book, if you wish to have it published that is.”

“I haven’t really thought about it,” Charlotte admitted. “I’ve never shared it with anyone. Most of it was merely a way for me to remember you.”

That statement was enough to fill Sidney with encouragement. If she had wished to remember him, she must feel the same way he does. “I wish I had as much courage and commitment as the Sidney in your book did. I’m not entirely sure I’d be able to do half of what he does. But I know you would be just as brave, just as accomplished, and just as determined as the Charlotte of your book.”

“I’m nowhere near as brave as my characters,” Charlotte giggled while dropping her head.

“You are the most extraordinary person I have ever met, and probably will ever meet,” Sidney gushed. “You should publish it. I am certain it will be one of the greatest books in the world and everyone will want to read it for year from now.”

“I’m not sure I’m brave enough to let the world into my deepest thoughts. It is quite terrifying to think about.”

“What if everyone shares the same thoughts and your words give the rest of the world encouragement to come forth and share in your opinions?” he asked. 

Charlotte considered his notion for a moment and wondered if it were possible. Her book was very much ruled by women being at the forefront of the world and showing just how capable women truly are, despite men trying to rule their every move. “I’m not sure men would agree.”

“Some might. This man does.,” he admitted, his eyes burning into her. “Have you given any thought to my request?” Sidney held a hopeful demeanor while he waited for her answer.

Charlotte’s heart raced as he stared at her with such anticipation. “I have,” she answered. “Although flattered, I’m afraid I cannot accept. I made a decision long ago not to marry. I don’t plan to deter from my decision.”

The look on his face nearly broke Charlotte. He was instantly changed into someone she didn’t recognize. Charlotte had a pang of guilt hit her for what she said. “As much as I was hoping your answer would be different, I accept it. I told you I would never restrain you from what you truly want and if a marriage is something you do not want, I can live with it. I love you enough to let you take your own path in life. Just know that I will always love you and think of you daily. I will read each and every book you publish or follow whatever other path you take. My heart is yours no matter what.”

As the dance ended, they held on to each other a moment longer than they should, still holding on to the moment and refusing to let the other go. When they stepped away and did their ending bow and curtsy, Sidney stepped towards Charlotte once again and took her hand in his. He slipped something into her hand and tightened her grip around it. “For luck on all your travels, your future endeavors, and your career. I know it has brought me a great deal of luck all these years. I’m certain it will have the same effect on you. Goodbye, Charlotte.”

Sidney released her hand and even though he hesitated a moment more, he walked past her and weaved his way through the crowd. She looked down into her hand and saw the agate she had given him all those years ago. She was surprised he kept it. 

Charlotte joined her aunt and tried to muster a smile. “Everything alright?” Susan asked.

“I think I may like to leave now, with your permission.”

“Charlotte,” she began softly. “Don’t let something you decided years ago stand in the way of happiness. There’s nothing wrong with changing course and taking another path to a different future. Your sister is right. There is no other man who will bring you joy like that one does.”

“How do I know for sure? What if I marry him and he ends up being the type of man I’ve resisted?” she questioned with passion. “I do not wish to marry someone who doesn’t give me the freedom to be who I wish to be.” 

“Do you truly think that’s the type of man he is? You know him better than anyone. What does your heart tell you?” Susan asked.

Charlotte considered her words and squeezed the stone Sidney had left in her hand, finding the courage to do what she had wanted to do all along. She knew the answer to her question. He wasn’t anything that she feared. He never was. She was ruled by fear more than anything. The stone in her hand was supposed to give courage. Courage was what she needed more than anything.

Charlotte rushed out of the building and ran through the streets looking for Sidney. In the distance, she saw him walking along the cliffs and followed after him. When she got closer, she called out his name. He stopped and turned around, rushing back towards her. 

He grasped for her hands when they reached each other. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” she cried. “Yes.” Sidney studied her face with confusion. He didn’t understand. “Sidney, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t let what I decided years ago change who I am today. I love you. I always have. If I am to marry, I could never marry anyone but you.”

“Are you saying…”

“Yes,” she interrupted. “I am saying I will marry you. I am saying I want to go through life with you at my side, guiding me, encouraging me, and supporting me as I will do the same for you. I want us to discover the world together. I want us to create a family that is ours.”

Sidney laughed and tears of joy filled his eyes as he pulled her to him in an embrace. Her lips parted with eager anticipation. Sidney glanced back and forth between her plump lips and her eyes. As he moved towards her, she relaxed in his arms as if this was where she was always meant to be. He pressed his lips to hers with abandoned propriety. He felt her warmth, her strength, her love in that simple kiss. 

Sidney’s contact in London had shown worthy. Charlotte’s book was published within weeks of Sidney and Charlotte traveling to London and sharing it with publishers. They were already clamoring for her to write another. Sidney stood by her proudly as she agreed to write another book with the expectation of more of the royalties than her first book brought her. As soon as they agreed, Charlotte handed over many more manuscripts that she had written over the years. Sidney had been the only one she had shared her many other books with over the last month, and with his encouragement, she pursued publishing more of them. 

Months later, Sidney and Charlotte stood at the altar and said their vows in front of a handful of family and friends. With her books being published and her future taking shape the way she had always hoped it would, she realized if she hadn’t taken the path towards Sidney, it was very likely none of what she had dreamed of would have happened. She needed him to push her to the future she always wanted. If she hadn’t followed him, she would have spent her life not ever realizing her true potential. 

Sidney and Charlotte stood on the deck of a ship headed for Antigua. Sidney slipped his arms around her middle from behind as they both stared out into the ocean and towards their future. “Are you happy?” he asked.

“I am,” she said with a grin. “This will be the greatest adventure of my life.”

Sidney chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “This is just the beginning of our adventures together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and for enjoying my stories. I appreciate all of you.


End file.
